It was one year ago that I laid in my bed wailing. Full. Blown. Wailing. I had just received the news that my unborn baby Cody was going to have Down syndrome. I was devastated and thought life as I knew it was over. I wailed with a gut-wrenching pain that I thought would never, ever go away. I did not want this child. I did not want to be a mom to someone with special needs. The doctors were quick to tell me the options I had and the end result was not being Cody’s mom. I wanted a way out and I thought for a moment about listening to them but obviously and thankfully I didn’t.
One year later, I lay in the same bed with my 8 ½ month old baby and so much love and joy fills my heart as I hold him close. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have thought twice about being Cody’s mom. I constantly celebrate this little boy and am overwhelmed with emotion to think I didn’t want him in my life. If he could talk I think he would say “thank you mama for giving me a chance”.
He would say …
Thank you for giving me the chance to show you that I am not defined by Down syndrome and I am more like a typical baby than not.
Thank you for giving me the chance to create a bond with you rooted from a unique, fierce love that is unshakeable and even hard to describe.
Thank you for giving me the chance to give you the best cuddles while I giggle uncontrollably as we laugh together.
Thank you for giving me the chance to melt your heart with my big blue eyes.
Thank you for giving me the chance to show you my laid-back personality that is so easy to care for.
Thank you for giving me the chance to demonstrate my resilience despite two major surgeries before I was even five months old.
Thank you for giving me a chance to show you that even though my milestones are a little delayed I eventually accomplish them and it’s so exciting when I do!
Thank you for giving me the chance to be the reason you connect with other moms of children with Down syndrome who are now your good friends and give you hope for the future.
Thank you for giving me the chance to change everyone in our family for the better.
Thank you for giving me the chance to open your heart to new, amazing opportunities that are changing your life and lives around us.
Thank you for giving me the chance to prove to you that you can be a mom of a child with special needs and I am not going to ruin your life.
And I would say back, Cody, I am so glad I gave you a chance and I am sorry that I did not want to be your mom, but I am forever grateful that I am. I cherish you and I am so happy you are mine. I cannot wait to see you grow and achieve and love and thrive. And I will be your advocate every step of the way as you become the person you were made to be.